It's time to blog!
I haven't really had any great stories to blog about lately so I've neglected my blog for a long time. Recent events have lulled me back to my story-telling ways. Though I must warn you the following event that I shall describe is 100% factual and disgusting. Those of weak stomach may want to skip this entry.
I was sitting at my computer working on the database I've recently been slaving over, when my son, Kobe, charges into the room exclaiming, "I know where that terrible smell in my bathroom is coming from!!! There are maggots in my bathroom!"
'Great!,' I'm thinking to myself, 'where the freak are the maggots coming from!'
I run upstairs to find several large maggots squirming around on the floor in Kobe's bathroom. Like a hound on a trail, I immediately begin to track the fat white beasts. They were incredibly fat with, hairy back ends and they were squirming in every which direction. No way to tell where they had come from, nor where they were going. I stuck my head way back under and behind the toilet, looking to find some misplaced poop or other organic material that might be spawning these little monsters. We had suspected a dead mouse a few days earlier, however a close inspection of the bathroom lead to no recovery of any dead animal.
Meanwhile Heather's been looking up maggots on the internet, and she charges in explaining, "The only way to kill maggots is to use boiling water!" She then disappears off to the kitchen. To boil water, obviously.
I begin tearing off small pieces of toilet paper,folding them a couple times, grabbing the buggers and start popping bubble wrap. You know what I mean. I'd like to see them survive that. One at a time I popped. I might have almost gagged at one point, but I held it in. Probably about 10 were in the toilet before I couldn't find any more. I flushed and waited for another to appear. I was determined to see where they were coming from. Several minutes later it was like that was it! There were no more. No reason or explanation. I went downstairs to find Heather with four pots of boiling water on the stove. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I had already killed them all, so I went back upstairs hoping to find another maggot that she could boil to death.
In the bathroom, to my amazement there was a fat maggot halfway across the middle of the floor, near the far end of the bathroom between the toilet and the opposite wall. Where had it come from? I got down on my hands and knees. It was moving away from the toilet. Again I looked carefully all around and in the toilet. Another one! Right there on the floor , about 6 inches from the toilet! What the hell! Where did he come from? Had I not seen him before? There was no way he crawled out from any hiding spot and crawled that far! I looked up. Directly above me was a fan cover. Through the slots a maggot was wiggling, teetering on the edge of falling. I found the source.
The news update delivered to the kitchen, the stepstool pulled from the garage and I was releasing the fan cover with a putty knife. Once loose from dried paint the fan cover was easy to pull down. Maggots pelted me as they fell through the slits. Priority one just became do not let a maggot hit you in the face. The cover was the type that has two straight wires that you have to reach above the fan cover and pinch together to release. The two wires were on both sides of the fan cover and despite careful surgeon like dexterity, I was unable to not shake the crap out of the cover and not dislodge half the maggots onto the floor!
With the cover down the hollow head, spine and tail of a mouse was all that was left. And a few maggots.
So down to the kitchen to fetch boiling water. I should have just flushed it down the toilet, but four big pots of water were already boiling. We poured the water into the big car washing bucket. I then took the bucket upstairs, picked up all the maggots off the floor and threw them into the bucket, and then attempted to stick the fan cover with the mouse still stuck to it, into the bucket. It didn't quite fit. Did a freakin great job of reincarting the dead mouse smell! Oh well. Four pots of boiling water later we had completely sterilized the cover. The mouse ended up in the back yard of our neighbor that we don't like.
The End.
I was sitting at my computer working on the database I've recently been slaving over, when my son, Kobe, charges into the room exclaiming, "I know where that terrible smell in my bathroom is coming from!!! There are maggots in my bathroom!"
'Great!,' I'm thinking to myself, 'where the freak are the maggots coming from!'
I run upstairs to find several large maggots squirming around on the floor in Kobe's bathroom. Like a hound on a trail, I immediately begin to track the fat white beasts. They were incredibly fat with, hairy back ends and they were squirming in every which direction. No way to tell where they had come from, nor where they were going. I stuck my head way back under and behind the toilet, looking to find some misplaced poop or other organic material that might be spawning these little monsters. We had suspected a dead mouse a few days earlier, however a close inspection of the bathroom lead to no recovery of any dead animal.
Meanwhile Heather's been looking up maggots on the internet, and she charges in explaining, "The only way to kill maggots is to use boiling water!" She then disappears off to the kitchen. To boil water, obviously.
I begin tearing off small pieces of toilet paper,folding them a couple times, grabbing the buggers and start popping bubble wrap. You know what I mean. I'd like to see them survive that. One at a time I popped. I might have almost gagged at one point, but I held it in. Probably about 10 were in the toilet before I couldn't find any more. I flushed and waited for another to appear. I was determined to see where they were coming from. Several minutes later it was like that was it! There were no more. No reason or explanation. I went downstairs to find Heather with four pots of boiling water on the stove. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I had already killed them all, so I went back upstairs hoping to find another maggot that she could boil to death.
In the bathroom, to my amazement there was a fat maggot halfway across the middle of the floor, near the far end of the bathroom between the toilet and the opposite wall. Where had it come from? I got down on my hands and knees. It was moving away from the toilet. Again I looked carefully all around and in the toilet. Another one! Right there on the floor , about 6 inches from the toilet! What the hell! Where did he come from? Had I not seen him before? There was no way he crawled out from any hiding spot and crawled that far! I looked up. Directly above me was a fan cover. Through the slots a maggot was wiggling, teetering on the edge of falling. I found the source.
The news update delivered to the kitchen, the stepstool pulled from the garage and I was releasing the fan cover with a putty knife. Once loose from dried paint the fan cover was easy to pull down. Maggots pelted me as they fell through the slits. Priority one just became do not let a maggot hit you in the face. The cover was the type that has two straight wires that you have to reach above the fan cover and pinch together to release. The two wires were on both sides of the fan cover and despite careful surgeon like dexterity, I was unable to not shake the crap out of the cover and not dislodge half the maggots onto the floor!
With the cover down the hollow head, spine and tail of a mouse was all that was left. And a few maggots.
So down to the kitchen to fetch boiling water. I should have just flushed it down the toilet, but four big pots of water were already boiling. We poured the water into the big car washing bucket. I then took the bucket upstairs, picked up all the maggots off the floor and threw them into the bucket, and then attempted to stick the fan cover with the mouse still stuck to it, into the bucket. It didn't quite fit. Did a freakin great job of reincarting the dead mouse smell! Oh well. Four pots of boiling water later we had completely sterilized the cover. The mouse ended up in the back yard of our neighbor that we don't like.
The End.
posted by Paul at
12:22 PM
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