Stupid tiger!

Apparently this tiger lost her premature litter at the zoo and became very depressed. The zoo improvised and now the tiger feels much better. All I can say is... that is one stupid tiger!

Wireless headphones

If you've never listened to me before, listen to me now! Go get yourself some good quality wireless headphones. If you can not afford them then figure out a payment plan or something. You don't know how much you need them! After you get your headphones use the playlist.com pop up stand alone player. I walk all over my house with my headphones on stereo quality streaming music in my ears feeling like a heroin addict! They're on right now actually and I'm about to get up and go cook lunch some curry chicken with sauteed onions,peppers, etc. mmmmm and yes the headphones are commin with me! I have many hours worth of music in that playlist right there on the right! When the police break down the door, find my wife in the corner with the headphones on, me with a knife in my back, you will all know what the fight was over! And when I see her in hell I'll probably say, "no worries hunny, I totally understand! Did they at least let you take the headphones to prison?" Yup, it's that good!

These are the same headphones we still use. As you can see we've had them for a while. Kobe is 8 years old now! We really need to get another pair!

Don't tease your wife in public!

Public meaning a public blog! Yes I had to delete a post because apparently it was grounds for divorce. Of course it was hardly anything to be concerned over, just light heartedly messing with my sweetie. But my sweetie got pretty sour when I posted a picture of her in the bathtub. I cropped it of course, just the shocked look on her face and the waterstains on the shower door, nothing revealing. After she found out, well the last time I saw that expression on someone's face was in highschool when my dad discovered I had pierced my ear. She looked like she was going to tear something out of my face and it was going to sting like a MFr! So faster than I took that ring out of my ear I deleted the post. Anyway, bummer it was quite funny, very well written comedy leading all the way up to the photo. Well Heather was writing a long blog for her myspace and I mean long. She spent 4 straight hours on the computer getting info for her blog. Well unfortunately Myspace doesn't have autosave and she lost it. Let's just call it Karma! Yaaaaa C' mon

Selling a laptop?

I was looking at laptops on Craigslist and I saw a post for 800 and the city said crackville so I was curious and clicked on it. It was some guy going off because another guy put a high price on a laptop. Here it is.

You can buy a new one for only $400!
Stop using crack homie! now tell me, where did you steal that laptop? Do you know where the powerbutton is? ;)
Go to church! call your mom! go to school!
STOP USING CRACK SON! You can't even post the # right!
How many finger am I holding?.....wrong! 1 - the middle one ;)

I thought that was funny because I see shit on ebay all the time where some asshole is selling a piece of shit laptop worth about 5 bucks and saying it has a super fast 333 Mghz processor a whopping 256 MB Ram and an outstanding 2 GB harddrive. And they get over 100 bucks, more than half the time, for a worthless piece of trash! I always ask the buyer a question when I see it. I ask, "How do you live with yourself? You are sick!" It's pretty much just my standard response but if anyone has a quick witted question for these MF's then please put it in a comment!
Oh and just a little piece of advice... Don't get drunk and go on ebay at 1 in the morning because the next thing you know it's going to be 3 and you'll buy something you don't need. Don't ask me how I know this 'cause I'll have to kill you.

Perspective

I got this email and found it fairly interesting.

The next time you hear a politician use the word 'billion' in a casual manner, think aboutwhether you want the 'politicians' spending YOUR tax money. A billion is a difficult number to comprehe but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into some perspective in one of its releases.

A. A billion seconds ago it was 1959.

B. A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.

C. A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.

D. A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet.

E. A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate our government is spending it.

While this thought is still fresh in our brain, let's take a look at New Orleans It's amazing what you can learn with some simple division

Louisiana Senator, Mary Landrieu (D), is presently asking the Congress for $250 BILLION to rebuild New Orleans .. Interesting number, what does it mean?

A. Well, if you are one of 484,674 residents of New Orleans (every man, woman, child), you each get $516,528.

B. Or, if you have one of the 188,251 homes in New Orleans , your home gets $1,329,787.

C. Or, if you are a family of four, your family gets $2,066,012.

Washington , D.C ... HELLO!!! ... Are all your calculators broken??

100 years ago, our nation was the most prosperous in the world. We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.
What the heck happened?????
Can you spell 'politicians!'

I'm an Atheist (well almost)

I guess I have to leave open the posibility, no matter how remote, obscure, rediculuous, strange it seems to be.

Just Kidding, Beth

Resposibility Chart

So I got into a small argument with my wife the other day because she thinks I'm not responsible enough around the house! I was shocked to hear it because secretly for a long time I've been feeling the same way about her! Well we created a chart that divides up certain responsibilities. If one of us is failing to follow the responsibilities listed on the chart the other can penalize the perpetrator in some way. So far as I expected Heather has been failing miserably and I have performed all responsibilities flawlessly. I think she still thinks I'm not being responsible enough however. It's like she has glasses on that can only see me in out of focus.

Household Responsibility Chart
The following chart is a guide to mold our family into an agreed upon structure by which the division of responsibilities will result in a more fluid harmony of apposing personalities.

divided responsibility

Monday Tuesday WednesdayThursdayFriday Saturday
HOMEWORK Heather Paul Heather Paul
I HR WITH KOBE Heather Paul Heather Paul Heather Paul
PUT TO BED Paul Heather Paul Heather Paul Heather
MAKE DINNER Paul Heather Paul Heather Paul Heather
FEED DOG Kobe Kobe Kobe Kobe Kobe Kobe

VACUUM Heather/Paul
CLEAN BATHROOMS Heather/Paul

Failure to complete any of the above responsibilities guarantees that persons spouse the choice to pan off a responsibilty to the offender.

dedicated responsibilities

MOW LAWN -Backyard to pick up dog poop and mowed once a week Paul
PAY BILLS -Bills twice a month Heather
TRASH -to be routinely emptied from house to garage Paul
LAUNDRY -to be dealt with when paul runs out of underwear(J.K.) Heather
DUSTING -no one cares about dusting(N.K.) Heather

Shared responsibilities

EMPTY DISHWASHER: initial after each turn to mark who's turn it is.
PW / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /


Rules:
Other than dinner all individuals are responsible to clean used dishes immediately after use.
Any used/misplaced item needs to be returned to its proper storage place.
Opportunities to clean up after eachother gives that person free pass to initial the dishwasher marker.


Signature of compliance to proposed set of responsibilities
/
Paul Wonnacott Heather Wonnacott


Any grievances, suggestions, proposed ammendments, should be listed in the space below for future settlement and or renegotiation.

Ahh... she's quite beautiful, what can you do?

Beating the dog

So I'm wondering what the truth is about beating your dog. I know it has been said that you should not hit your dog. Well I'm wondering if this means I've been a bad dog owner because I hit and kick my dog all the time. Sometimes, not always, but sometimes we'll come home and our beagle, Lucy, will have raided the kitchen trash. I will imediately drag her over to the kitchen, stick her nose in the trash on the floor, and in the trash can, and wack her butt continuously with my open hand saying, "no! no! no!" and then I'll let go of her, but I'll kick her before she runs off into the other room. She'll yelp the whole time, and I think, "Okay, now she'll never do that again." Well that's not true because I actually know now, after beating her several times already, that she is still going to one day raid that trash again. I hate beating her but I think it does work, she doesn't raid the trash very often. The other thing I'll hit her for is jumping up on strangers. I often get looks like I can't believe you just hit your dog, but it's not like I'm an angry naturally abusive person, it's just that dogs don't speak english and you can't give them a treat for not jumping on someone. Oh, and yes, I tried the spray bottle but it doesn't work. Also whenever a knock on the door or person walks by outside, she's suddenly a psycho dog on a barking rampage determined to drown out a firetruck. I'll have her around the leash with one hand opening the door with the other balanced on one foot and kicking her. I open the door, perhaps unaware of my own brutality, because people get glazed looks when they hear her yelp and their bamby like stare makes me question myself. You know the dog is yelping even though I'm not really kicking her very hard, and she goes right back to barking as soon as I stop so I keep kicking her, softly mind you, in her belly near her hind legs because she's very sensitive there, and she does stop barking, and she's really good as long as I'm still standing close enough to kick her. I used to beat her when she'd pee or poo in the house, just like the trash, but she doesn't do that anymore. So if you have any alternative ideas I'd be happy to change my abusive behavior for something else that works.

Funny, I uncovered this video that shows just how insensitive I've been to Lucy.

It's begun! I'm really excited now. I was on myspace and that was cool and all but this is so much better. I'm not sure if I'm really doing this right because you know I haven't really looked at anyone else's blogs, but really who the fuck cares, right. I am so excited to have a place to just rant and put up pictures and now I'm even thinking about getting some video up on here. Hell I have a camcorder. I feel like such a lame ass for not getting video of Kobe playing soccer. He scored 3 goals in his first ever soccer game. Yes it was at the park, me and kobe and another 10 year old neighborhood girl, against her two younger sisters and her auntie that played goalie. So it was perfect actually, really it was a milestone. The little girl probably about 5 or 6 on the opposite team was agressive enough and Kobe although he's a boy and he's 8 was panic sticken when she'd come charging toward him. After about 15 minutes Kobe finally realized he could play at their level and really got into it. Now I'm thinking about getting him signed up for a soccer team. The only thing that worries me is he won't be playing girls that are two years younger than him. We've tried to get him in sports before and he really hates it. He's very nervous about being embarrased or getting hurt. And if he sees blood, forget it, it's a psychological meltdown. We got him roller bades...no good, we got him a bike... he hates it, we got him a scateboard... I left it at the park intentionally for someone else to have it. He does love his xbox360, though. Despite all this, his performance at the park gives me a glimmer of hope. I have been going to the park playing soccer with Kobe every day for the last couple weeks and he really is getting better. He has no problem charging me and trying to kick the ball away from me. Now he just needs to be able to do that against strangers.

Hello friends, family, world, I am now beginning what maybe the only diary I will ever keep. Yes my diary is personal and private so if you're reading this then shame on you! It is spring, a beautiful Sunday, April 27th, I just got home from my brother Mike's house. He's a dentist and spent most of this beautiful day at the office making dentures, while I sat on his couch, browsed online with his computer and chatted randomly with Courtney, his wife. Meanwhile my son,

Kobe played cautiously in the back yard. I think it would be misleading to say that he played heartily, or carelessly, for he is not that kind of a kid. Complete opposite of his thrill seeking father. Anyway he was having fun and that's all that counts. So while I was hanging out with Courtney she showed me her blog and I thought you know I need to do this. I left Kobe there and I am home now beginning what will, I hope, become a picture filled, exciting, and perhaps careless, blog that adequately entertains any who may unwelcomingly steal insight into this personal journal (Just Kidding) that I have now begun.