My best friend!

My wife says, "I'm so glad you're obsessed with Greg right now! Could you pay attention to me!" Man if I had a dollar for everytime I heard a girl say that!

Greg Eric Heidi, some girl and a parent on steps in Villanova

When I was 15 I had a best friend named Greg Anderson. Our relationship was based on pure thrill seeking adventures! It was like Wonder Twin powers activate! When we got together it was all about adrenaline. Of course in order to be ready for adventure we had to be fit. We would exercise rigorously. I mean we would go running after dark in the pouring rain, we would stay up all night and then go play 3 sets of tennis. Then the adventures... we would ride our bikes with toilet paper to tee pee the houses of people we knew, even if it meant a 10 mile bike ride to get there! We frequently swiped my parents car, even though I was still only 15, and then take it for joy rides. We made up a secret club in a secret hiding place where we plotted ways to attack or sabotage David Morey. The only day I ever visited Greg in his high school cafeteria we nearly instigated an all out cafeteria riot between the heavy metal kids and the mod squad.

The next year we had drivers licenses but no car. Our good friend, Chris, had parents who, unwisely trusted us! Yes Chris' mom was very trusting. I remember never being restricted from being alone with Chris in her bedroom, where I learned a thing or two. What? I'm talking about music! Anyway I was leading up to... they let us use their car! Not just once but all the time! So one day Chris, Jeanine Greg and I pushed the boundaries and we went to Lake Ontario. That wasn't enough so we went to Niagara Falls. On the way, being as we were in such a playful mood, I abandoned the drivers seat and jumped in the back with Chris and Jeanine. No big deal we weren't going too fast and Greg deftly slid across from the passengers side to take the wheel. Not a stunt to be performed by amateurs, Greg and I were in top physical condition! Since Chris and Jeanine weren't in on our little prank they were, needless to say, terrified! So coming back from Niagara we did about 100 on a two lane road swerving around car after car to get home by dinner. It was simply Greg's presence that prompted this adventure! Greg was not only there for me in adventure he was there for me with advice on relationships as well. I was in love with two girls. One because she was my best friend and the other because she had the cutest cheeks (looked like a chipmunk) Well Greg had three girlfriends at the time juggling quite skillfully, probably wondering what my problem was. I would have been terribly sad to be losing such amazing friends accept I was still traumatized by the time Andrew Schwendiman wanted to compare our junk to see who was the most endowed and now I just had to get out of this town! Sorry I'm sitting here with Greg and were talking about stories so I was editing a couple things and will probably be editing again later when I get an anonymous post and find out it's Andrew.

So after I moved Greg and Eric would come to visit once or twice a year. It was great seeing Greg. In fact we were both quite happy to see each other. Greg even went so far as to dip kiss my face, with his hand, in front of the entire chearleading squad of my new high school. My girlfriend who happened to be one of them was pissed! Oh well, fuck her, she was a lousy kisser! Ha! Ha! The next time he came to visit my new girlfriend Andrea Catoia helped us sneak a bottle of Canadian Whiskey out of her house so that I could get drunk for the first time. We didn't sleep at all that night! Just ran around the neighborhood singing "nanananana batman!" We got into bed just before my mom came down to wake us up. Chris just reminded me that when she came to visit we took the train to Philly. We saw some huge posters in large display boxes at the train station. So late that night when everyone was asleep we snuck out. Drove to the train station and busted the posters out of the cases that held them. Thanks Chris you are definitely second on my list of all time companions in adventure! Anyway back to Greg!

So all that you've read is just an introduction of Greg, to prepare you for the following story. You see by the time Senior Year of High School rolled around we were pretty much professional scammers. A term that later evolved, from simply showing the ability to get away with something, to showing the ability to seduce girls into making out with us! No offence girls, but you know you loved it! So it was summer after Senior Year of High School. I would be going to first semester of college and Greg would be going on a mission to France. Well when Greg and Eric came to visit there was an electric buzz in the air. I think everyone could feel it. We weren't going to go off silently into the night. It had already been arranged that we would be going to a Youth Conference. We would have been much happier staying at home conjuring up unsupervised mischief, but as it was, we were locked into a strictly supervised rule based environment where our every move would be vigorously monitored. My mom was to be our adult chaperon. My mom was pretty easy going most of the time and I even think Greg and Eric found her to be quite pleasant. Still she was an obstacle in our way. We would be seeing lots of pretty new faces at this gathering of fertile 16 to 18 year old girls and we wanted to take every advantage! Well not every advantage. At this point in our lives, we were pretty much fully content with sucking face! Although, later that night I did get to cop a feel! Before that however Eric and Greg were caught making out with Heidi Tripp and her friend, by the warden (My Mom). We had just gotten to the dormitories at the Villanova campus and were unpacking all our gear when it happened. I wasn't present for the make out session but I was definitely impressed with Greg and Eric's maneuvering and speed. Needless to say I was just a bit peeved at them for getting caught because they had brought attention on us, and with the excursion we had been planning! It was Greg who initiated the idea that we had to do something spectacular and we began to make plans to sneak out after dark and take the van to downtown Philly! Yes the plans were deliberate and premeditated! I already had a spare key to the van that I snuck from the house before we left! The last thing we wanted now was more adult supervision! Greg assured me everything was cool, that my mom couldn't help breaking into laughter when she was trying to scold them. That was believable, Greg had a way with people. Well the rest of the day we walked around talking smack looking for girls, planning an adventure and feeling like total studs. We met pretty much every attractive girl on the campus within the first 15 minutes of being there. A rumor had spread like wildfire, no not a rumor, this was a fact, four devilishly handsome guys (Paul, Todd, Greg, Eric) were walking around campus and they were looking for only the funnest prettiest and bravest of girls to come mingle with them. Within no time we had an enlisted crew of girls ready for our adventure. So while we waited for night to come we passed the time rearranging all the furniture in our dorm room. Our room changed from a typical dorm cubicle with bunk beds into a fortress slash private clubhouse. Only a very cool hang out would satisfy. Even despite the fact that we would spend very little time there.

Soon it was dark and Parent supervisors were dutifully putting us to bed. We went straight to stuffing our beds with pillows and monitoring the hallway for adults. With far too much anxiety for adventure we stealthily flew down the hallway and outside. The girls were in another dorm so rounding them up was our first priority. It was easier than we had expected! Led by Heidi, the girls were already outside rearing to go. Unfortunately we had lost a recruit, the mission presidents daughter was the prettiest of all the girls, she had dropped out of the adventure. In a last ditch effort we scaled the building to her outside dorm room window and knocked. We wanted to give her one more chance, duh! but to Heidi's delight she wouldn't budge!
Within no time we were all situated in the van, my hand on the ignition, adrenaline pumping, not a word spoken, the engine burned in, lights still off, like just like in the sound of music, we escaped!

Downtown Philly at night! We adventured past the boat houses, down to the river, around the Art Museum scaling it's walls, across the street of fountains with giant statues of naked green women, we stopped next to some "ladies of the evening", and asked how much? "Are you kidding I wouldn't have sex with you for less than 100 bucks" I said! We drove across the city to South Street and ordered a large pizza. After which we found a parking garage and walked to the park on the river, where the old boat tours are given.

Here we ate pizza and played on the giant cement structures, but it was getting late and the night sky was starting to change. We knew we better get back before we were discovered. So as easy as we came we were leaving to go back. Until "kkhhhkkrrr!" What was that? I was pulling out of the parking garage and the back end pinched the side of an enormous, wood, railroad tie enclosed planter box. Right before our exit I had to make a 90 degree turn around this square planter that was situated right in front of the garage attendants booth. I had not made a, wide enough, turn to allow for the back end of the van! What made matters worse was right in front of me a sign, DO NOT BACK UP! SEVERE TIRE DAMAGE! Yes, my front wheels were just past the tire spikes! We all got out and evaluated our dilemma. It was obvious we couldn't back up and pushing forward also looked doubtful. That's it! I'm just gonna have to turn the wheels away from the wall and gun it. Nervously, with everyone back in the van I gently pressed on the gas, the van creaked but didn't move, I gunned it! The van instantly lunged forward about a foot, the RPMs shot skyward, the screaming tires wailed deafeningly inside the acoustical cement structure, then like a rocket we were out of there! I wish! Actually we were stuck! Only worse than before! The back driver side tire was completely up off the ground! The weight of the van rested on top of the planter! You could feel the awkward angle of being tilted. Again we got out of the van to asses our situation! It was awful, unfathomable! We were definitely doomed to a lifetimes of punishment! All we could do now is hope God would forgive us, because we knew our parents never would! Out of desperation we decided to get the car jack out! Not really knowing what we were doing and with the parking garage attendant just looking on with amusement, we jacked the back of the van up so that both wheels were completely off the ground. With the van balancing on the jack like a fulcrum we bravely pushed the behemoth monster away from the wall! To our amazement it worked! Never before and never again will I see a car jack as severely bent as this one was. We threw it into the trash. We were free at last! Back in the van everyone was relieved to be on our way. It was 6:00 in the morning now! Villanova was half an hour away and parents were sure to be waking up. We flew back to the dormitories. Everyone vowed to never speak a word of that night! Greg and I were thinking desperately for a plan, an excuse, when we passed a donut shop. Genius struck Greg with an idea! We were going to say we got up early to go get donuts for everyone, and we got in an accident! We found a corner of the store in the back that had some damage, and we assumed we could bring people to the site to prove our story if necessary. We got back to campus and found the same parking spot on the street, where we had left the night before.

In the end, my brother Todd, who I feel terribly guilty for not including on this little adventure, turned around and unwittingly saved us! People were packing to go home, when we finally got back! Surprisingly no one even missed us. "Oh there you are," my mom said happy to have found us, "Go get packed!" It was dreadful the secret still lingering to be exposed! And then it happened! "A hit and run!" Todd was ecstatic! "Someone hit our van!" That was it! Fortunately for us, the entire length of damaged van was facing the street. Right around a bend in the road no less. It was a hit and run! Some lucky bastard sideswiped our van and got away with it. An hour, and a police report later, it was official!

This is picture I stumbled across of the van. This was taken years before the accident. Nice hair Todd

Letters from Greg! You were by far the best read! I don't know why other people in this world can't be as clever as you and I and write shit that's interesting to read! He he! How do you like my new found stuckupedness? I know I wrote you some witty, funny ass stuff because I remember laughing my ass off when I'd write to you, and I know you didn't save save any of it! That's okay, I forgive you, but I'm still mad as hell! But just like I forgave you for not writing me as often as I wrote you I will this time, for the last time, like every other time, let it slide! You're one lucky ass lame excuse for a best friend I ever had.
I won't be able to keep posting forever, because my disability won't last much longer. Eventually I'll go back to work. So enjoy it while it lasts!